Friday, June 20, 2008

Worst Movie One Liners

My Personal 9 Nominees for Worst Movie Dialogue Ever

We though all's well that ends well with these movies--but there's always that one itsy-bitsy nick: the one-liners.

THE MOVIE: Notting Hill (1999)
THE SCENE: Famous Hollywood actress Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) is attempting to convince bookish William (Hugh Grant) to give her another chance.

THE LINE: ''I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.''
THE MOVIE: Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith (2005)
THE SCENE: Natalie Portman's Amidala tries to get her hubby, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), to give up his megalomaniacal Dark Side ways.

THE LINE: ''Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo.''
THE MOVIE: Jerry Maguire (1996)
THE SCENE: The hard-hearted sports agent (Tom Cruise) drops his emotional armor and declares his love for Dorothy (Renée Zellweger) in front of all of her friends.

THE LINE: ''You complete me.''
THE MOVIE: Ever After (1998)
THE SCENE: Danielle (Drew Barrymore) — the purported inspiration for Cinderella — is trying to explain to, of all people, Leonardo da Vinci (Patrick Godfrey) why her romance is impossible.

THE LINE: ''A bird may love a fish, signore, but where will they live?''
THE MOVIE: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)
THE SCENE: Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee) tearfully breaks up with her boyfriend and heads to her death.

THE LINE: ''I'm gone, like a turkey in the corn. Gobble gobble!''
THE MOVIE: X-Men (2000)
THE SCENE: Weather-mistress Storm (Halle Berry) finally gets the upper hand during a fight with fellow mutant Toad (Ray Park) and delivers this très witty bon mot.

THE LINE: ''You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.''
THE MOVIE: Sin City (2005)
THE SCENE: Gutter avenger Dwight (Clive Owen) is watching lovingly as the woman of his dreams (Rosario Dawson) guns down a bevy of prostitute-hating baddies.

THE LINE: ''My warrior woman. My valkyrie. You'll always be mine, always and never. Never. The Fire, baby. It'll burn us both. It'll kill us both. There's no place in this world for our kind of fire.''
THE MOVIE: She's All That (1999)
THE SCENE: Laney (Rachael Leigh Cook) is on the receiving end of the makeover of a lifetime, transforming her from meek geek to high-school hottie.

THE LINE: ''I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, except for the whole hooker thing.''
THE MOVIE: Pretty Woman

THE SCENE: Hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold Vivian (Julia Roberts) looks down her fire escape to see her favorite ''John'' Edward (Richard Gere) climbing up to ''rescue her'' from her crappy life.

THE LINE: ''And she rescues him right back.''


I remember my ex used to fall for most of those cheesy one-liners. If you ever bring yourself to watch Cool as Ice starring none other than Robert VanWinkle, you'll undoubtedly not know where to start when quoting the bad lines. But the only thing that redeems the cheesiness is that they were actually serious. Which, come to think of it, didn't redeem it at all.

Kathy: So, where are you from?
Johnny: Around.
Kathy: Around?
Johnny: Yup-yup.

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